Romulan Ale is Vicious
by evenstar8705
Summary: Takes place near the beginning of season 7 in that 3 month gap. A certain character probably shouldn't be there but sue me. This is a spiritual sequel to 'Gossip' but not required reading. Kira gets a well deserved and overdue promotion and Dax and Quark prank Odo.


Colonel Kira had a much different ring to it than Major Kira. The first time that Prime Minister Shakaar called her that, she could hardly register the strange sounds ringing over the sound system of the stadium where the formal military service was held on Bajor. He proudly pinned several medals to her dress uniform.

"These are long overdue," he informed her and apologized. "You saved Bajor more than once these past few years. I wouldn't be where I am either. Each citizen, including me, owes you a great debt that can't possibly be repaid."

"I love my planet," she responded, "and my people. I am only following the path the Prophets laid out before me. They were kind enough to make my mission very clear. Sometimes it's a lonely and stressful task, but they find ways to reward me. They place people in my life when I need them and exactly where I need them. I beg you to remember our allies in Starfleet. Bajor is independent and I hope it remains that way but we shouldn't be afraid of our friends. I know we can hold our heads high throughout this ordeal with the Dominion. We rose from the ashes of the Occupation. Nothing will ever defeat the spirit of the Bajoran people."

She wasn't much for words, but the crowds seemed to appreciate her impromptu speech. She practiced a much longer and less emotional speech but hated how rehearsed it sounded. She was no politician and never would be.

Her old friend and former lover gave her a warm hug. She chewed the inside of her cheek as her eyes burned with happy tears. She had been afraid Shakaar resented her. They hadn't parted on the best of terms. She should have known he was not a man to hold grudges and that their decades together made their relationship strong enough to withstand a broken romance.

They visited the temple, catching up on what the other had missed as they walked. A crowd of civilians followed them as far as the steps but didn't dare storm the sanctuary out of respect for the Prophets. An escort of mandatory guards followed the pair inside and quickly made themselves seem invisible. The minister and newly minted Colonel could finally breathe a little easier. The hymns soothed them both. Shakaar bowed his head respectfully before an icon as Kira went to her knees, raised her arms, and shut her eyes in silent prayer.

"Your friends on the station must be preparing a wild party for you!"

"I hope not!" she opened her eyes and smiled at Shakaar. "Dax almost always goes overboard!"

"You deserve a bit of revelry, Nerys. You are aware half the crowd was chanting your name alongside mine on the way here?"

"Some recognition is appreciated, but maybe it's better to live on a space station where most can't harass me like they do you."

"You get a view of the wormhole but I get to look out upon twinkling cities, beaches, mountains, and gardens," Shakaar shrugged.

"I do miss being home once in a while," Kira gathered sand in her palms from the nearest sand garden and let it spill through her fingers. "We fought for so long and hard for Bajor."

"We still do. You remain vigilant up there and I promise I will do the same down here, Colonel."

He held out his hand. She brushed the last grains of coarse sand away and clasped it, smirking at him.

"Being called that is going to take time to get used to."

"You should try being leader of an entire planet!"

"No thanks, Edon."

She slugged his shoulder like old times with her free hand. He squeezed the other affectionately. Then he motioned to his guards that he was ready to leave. Kira didn't mind lingering in the temple longer. She was deep in trance when a lean, tall figure stepped beside her.

"Colonel, everyone is waiting for us back at DS9. Who knows what trouble we'll find waiting for us with characters like Dax, Garak, and Quark running around unchecked!"

"Odo, I didn't think you'd ever step foot in this place!"

"Am I breaking the rules?"

"That's got to be rhetorical! If anyone knows rules, it's you!"

He nodded with a faint smile, "I was just a bit impatient to get you back home, Nerys. I watched Shakaar leave. How was he?"

"He seems swell."

"No awkwardness?" Odo pressed.

"None."

"Good!"

He offered to help her climb back to her feet. When did he become such a gentleman? She knew he always had been but kept the secret to himself. He kissed her hand and clasped it, reminding her that he was a secret romantic first and foremost.

"I wish we could take a vacation here together."

"Like a honeymoon?"

"Are you proposing, Odo? You haven't even moved in with me yet!" she said half jokingly.

She swallowed hard then, recalling that this was the exact spot Shakaar had knelt and produced a gaudy wedding bracelet. The way Odo grinned made her both hopeful and terrified of a sort of repeat of that experience. He had an uncanny ability to read her through the years no matter how many barriers and walls she tried to set around her.

"No pressure, Colonel. We've had enough change and ceremony for one day," he said teasingly.

He could hear and feel her heart racing with excitement. He knew the subtle nuances of her rhythm like he knew his favorite jazz tunes. Part of him had been tempted to propose but he realized it was the wrong place and moment of time. He didn't say so, but he felt he was trespassing in the temple. He was also aware of Shakaar's bumbling of the same subject and was determined to learn from the Bajoran's mistakes.

"Sisko could handle the station and every sordid character would keep in their place," Kira sighed. "I miss him and running the station without him feels wrong."

"Captain Sisko is AWOL, you know that. DS9 is solely your responsibility, Nerys. Remember when that was exactly what you wanted? You hated the idea of Starfleet running the place and treated Sisko with outright belligerence. I didn't think I was going to like him either. Now we get to call the shots. It's our slice of paradise. Try to think of it that way," Odo said encouragingly.

"Are you suggesting I should run it like the Intendant?"

"No, you are nothing like your mirror universe counterpart! The people in this universe follow you because you earned your rank and they genuinely love and respect you. You don't rule with manipulation and fear."

"I also listen to my beloved Constable," she kissed his cheek.

He looked around them for unwanted witnesses, "Are public displays like this allowed here? My knowledge of the Temple rules is limited."

"Oh, Odo, fertility rites were once carried out here publicly!" she said with a wave of her hand over her shoulder.

"Really?" he said incredulously.

"Of course not! Well, they weren't carried out publicly. They were within the inner sanctums. I half-lied."

"Fibber!"

"Let's go home, Constable."

"As you command, Colonel."

Her quarters were stuffed with decorations, gifts, and a myriad of people upon her return. She had more adoring fans than she could possibly recognize and every individual wanted to toast her. Sisko's cooking equipment had been brought to her kitchen and utilized to serve delicious foods. Quark and Rom were serving drinks. Dax had arranged entertainment in the form of music and Odo's security team made certain all was safe and orderly.

Even so, Odo was on high alert. Every time he saw a drink in Kira's hand that wasn't water, he snatched it away from her to dump it out, hand it another guest if she hadn't taken a sip, or consumed it himself just to get rid of it. She couldn't possibly consume every drop she was offered, but Kira was slightly annoyed. She wanted to be polite and drink with her friends at least.

Kasidy Yates and Jadzia Dax presented her with a beautiful bottle of midnight blue liquid as a gift.

"Try a sip now!" Dax said eagerly.

"What is it?"

As Kira reached for it, Odo growled, "Oh, no you don't, you impish Trill!"

"Wait, Odo, stop!" Kasidy cried.

Before he could be stopped, Odo drank the contents of the bottle in a few large gulps. Every witness gasped and gaped.

"Are you insane?" Quark shouted at him.

"What?" Kira and Odo said in chorus.

"Do you have any idea what that was?" Kasidy demanded.

"No."

"That was an entire bottle of Romulan ale!" Dax put her hands on her hips. "It was meant for Colonel Kira!"

"So?" Odo was clueless.

"Odo, that's vicious and dangerous stuff if not consumed gingerly!" Quark snapped. "It's also incredibly expensive and dubious in legality so it took me enormous effort to acquire it. The gift was from me as well! I'm surprised you are still standing! I've seen Klingons react badly to tiny amounts!"

Kira was concerned but Odo reassured them, "I naturally filter out alcohol and properties like it. It should have no effect upon me!"

"Oh yeah? Have you attempted it before with Romulan ale? I doubt it!" Quark snickered. "Do you think there's just benign alcohol in that stuff?"

Odo sniffled dismissively. Kira trusted her Changeling and returned to mingling with Kasidy. She was becoming close to Sisko's girl. Worf stormed away from his partner in disgust and Quark and Dax shared a private laugh.

"How did you know Odo would fall for that trap?" the Ferengi asked.

"Remember I told you that I spiked her drinks before?" the Trill whispered back. "I knew his protective nature would betray him!"

"Oh, right!"

He gave her a high five and wished she wasn't married to Worf and he could kiss her for this brilliant idea!

Odo didn't feel any effects for a time and continued in his usual fashion. His friends watched his every move and were sorely disappointed he was acting normally. They thought for sure if any substance could get him drunk, it was Romulan ale. Kira was delighted that the O'Brien family briefly visited.

"Congratulations, Auntie Colonel," Molly was put in charge of the collective greeting and had obviously drilled herself on pronouncing the words properly.

Kira hugged the little girl, "Oh, Molly, no one has managed to make my title sound more appealing! You're so sweet! Don't grow up!"

"Would you like to hold your surrogate son?" Keiko offered Kirayoshi.

Kira lifted the baby boy high and smiled at him. He gurgled happily, recognizing her voice and face. He didn't seem to mind it was past his bedtime and extremely loud. Both Kira and Worf could calm him in most situations. She carried him on her hip and showed him off instead of her medals for as long as she could. She enjoyed pretending he was hers. Molly had always been fond of Odo and lingered at his side bashfully. The children couldn't stay long, however, and the O'Brien's left early.

Garak and Bashir got her attention next. Bashir had started drinking his scotch early and talked fast in large quantities about nothing. Garak could see that Kira was getting bored and pulled her aside discretely.

"I have the suit you requested ready for you, Colonel," he said the new title with far more emphasis than anyone else every single time he said it.

"Thank you!" she whispered back. "I'll pick it up tomorrow evening."

"Has Odo encountered the feeling of this particular fabric on your skin yet, Colonel?" Garak asked.

"No."

Garak didn't care that he was essentially bull baiting Kira. He relished her emotional responses.

"Oh, he'll like this!" his amusement flashed in his expressive eyes. "I did like the look of it on you before the alterations. You complained it was tight and hot. I made that less of a problem. Have you considered retiring and becoming a super model on Bajor, Colonel?"

She eyed him suspiciously, "I'm too old for a modeling career."

"On the contrary, Colonel, you're famous on Bajor so age is far less of a factor. You're a war hero and look better than some women half your age."

"What are you buttering me up for, Garak?" she frowned.

"Odo could be of help. I've always wondered why you bother purchasing clothes from me when your boyfriend is a Changeling, Colonel!"

"Are you inferring that I should have Odo become the fabric I wear?" Kira snarled. "That I should _wear_ Odo?"

"Is that not one of your kinks, Colonel?" Garak grinned wickedly. "Dax speculated-"

"Are you trying to permanently lose a customer and get knocked on your ass, Garak? I'm not Odo's coat hanger and he's a sentient being, not a damned toy!" Kira could barely contain the volume of her voice and escalation of her anger.

"What is going on over here?" Odo growled behind the tailor.

"Just asking questions, dear Constable," Garak spun around gracefully.

"Bullshit!" Odo's eyes were gleaming with unbridled fury. "I heard precisely what you said! I wanted to see if you would lie about it and sure enough, you were being slimy and evasive! Just continue to make my Nerys glorious and beautiful and sexy and stop asking perverse questions, Garak! Our love life is not your business!"

Garak had never heard Odo speak in quite such a manner. Kira was a bit thrown off as well. Then the Cardassian puffed up and became bold, rising to the challenge before him. He decided he was relatively safe with numbers about him.

"I will stop asking questions if you stop destroying my splendid word as soon as it gets put on by the owner!"

"I never make promises if I have any shred of doubt about keeping them!" Odo's words were a bit slurred.

"At least try not to shred the designer gowns, will you please?"

"What's the difference? You get paid handsomely for your work!"

"Why my feelings get hurt, Odo!"

"What feelings? You think I am fooled by you like your precious Julian Bashir? I know how much you manipulate that dandy fool!"

"Now, now, Odo-" Bashir tried to be a peacemaker for the Changeling and the Cardassian.

"Bugger off, the both of you!" Odo gestured wildly. "And uninvite Dax this instant! You are all spoiling my Kira's party!"

"You might have to fight Worf to do that," Bashir warned. "His wife did arrange all this. You can't make the hostess leave!"

"Fine, I'll fight him! Where is that Klingon runt?"

Garak, Bashir, and Kira all pointed in different directions. Odo made a face and treaded away in the only cardinal direction they hadn't gestured to. The three remaining exchanged confused glances.

"What has gotten into Odo?" Garak asked. "I admit I was getting carried away with my teasing, Colonel, but that's all it was. I apologize."

"He did drink an entire bottle of Romulan ale in one sitting. Is it doing something to him after all?" Kira watched him from the corner of her eye.

"Romulan ale?" Bashir exclaimed. "That's vicious stuff!"

"Better tell Starfleet that Romulan ale might be utilized as a secret experimental weapon against the Founders!" Garak mused.

Kira couldn't help herself. She laughed heartily. Everyone in the room heard her and toasted at the woman of the hour.

"To Colonel Kira!" they shouted.

"To all of you!" she toasted back. "And to Captain Sisko who couldn't be here tonight! By the will of the Prophets, he'll be back!"

Kasidy gave Kira a meaningful glance as she silently toasted to her.

Luckily Dax and Worf had left the party before Odo could find them. No doubt someone had warned her that he had been mentioning her name. Her quarters were a mess and Kira was exhausted. She had a station to run in the morning. Odo hadn't left yet and was fussing over the state of her rooms.

"Your Trill friend loves to leave messes, doesn't she?"

"Odo, you better regenerate in your bucket. That ale clearly does affect you."

"Nonsense, Nerys. People affect me like Dax and Garak!"

Kira almost ripped over something near her couch that hadn't been there before and Odo broke her fall, reacting quick despite the ale. She cursed and then she gasped.

"Odo, is that your bucket?" she pointed.

"I think it is! Did someone bring it here?"

He investigated it, but the only clue was that it was filled with ice melt and that made him angry.

"Did someone mistake my bucket for some common ice bucket?"

"Oh, Odo, I'm sorry!"

"No matter! I've got to get this place cleaned up after I get you clean first!"

"What are you-"

She yelped as Odo lifted her effortlessly into his arms and carried her to the shower. She was tipsy after the party but didn't need babying. Odo was the one showing signs of true drunkenness. He began to fiddle with the settings of the shower. As soon as he was satisfied with pressure and temperature, he reached for her.

"Odo, I don't want your help undressing with you in this state!" she backed away. "You'll rip my clothes! Garak was right about the one thing!"

"I'll be extra careful with your dress uniform," he began to pout at her. "Don't be a bad girl, Nerys! Let me wash you and take care of you!"

"You are acting strange, Odo," she took a step forward.

"How so?"

He began to peel off her uniform. He kept to his word and didn't damage her uniform. He wasn't so kind to her undergarments. He tore them and tossed them aside. He pulled her into the steaming water and began to scrub her. She wasn't dirty only a little sweaty. He wanted any excuse to touch her and she allowed it. By the time his hand were all over her, they forgot the last question had been asked.

He kissed her hard and hungrily. He didn't bother to shift, but she saw the drops of water causing him to ripple upon contact. Instead of shimmering amber, he was shimmering midnight blue and he was warmer than ever. The change in color intrigued her. What did that Romulan ale do to him? Was he having trouble holding his shape?

He broke from a long and probing kiss and groaned in frustration. His eyes were filled with lust and he decided she was clean enough. He pulled her out, grabbing the nearest towel to dry her off. He shook off the moisture from his body or absorbed it while licking rogue drops of water from her neck, shoulders, and arms. He wrung her auburn hair relatively dry and began to pull her to the bed finally shifting his clothes away.

"Odo, you seem more needy than usual," she said. "Shouldn't we wait until we are both sober?"

"Don't you want me too?" he moaned in her ear.

"Always, but let's wait."

He sucked on her earlobe, "You'll fall asleep. Please, I want you more badly than before. Maybe that Romulan ale did do something to me, but it's not bad. I want to make love to you all night. I never want to leave these quarters, Nerys. I should have moved in here a long, long time ago."

"Maybe you don't have to leave," she said eagerly. "Your 'bed' is already here thanks to some kind stranger."

"_This_ is my bed, Nerys. _Our_ bed."

Despite her protests a moment ago, she did want him as badly. She kind of liked this needy side of the ordinarily controlled Constable. She very much loved what he said about moving in with her, but would he remember those words in the morning? She desperately hoped so.

The next morning, Odo discovered he had slid off the bed in his natural state and regenerated on Kira's bedroom floor instead of beside her. He made a mental note that he should purchase a more conclave bed so he wouldn't spill out like this again. He reformed himself and felt a little queasy. Oh yes, that must be because of that vicious Romulan ale. He never thought he'd encounter anything he couldn't tolerate.

He remembered everything. He had made urgent love to Kira but the drink robbed him of his usual stamina. He could make his lover climax a dozen times but last night he could only achieve half that number. They were intense so maybe Kira would count them as doubles? He desperately hoped so.

By the time she woke, Odo was putting the garnish on the breakfast he had cooked. The heavenly scent of her favorite Klingon coffee beckoned irresistibly. She thought someone had sent breakfast to be catered to her and was pleasantly surprised to see her lover was still there and that he had cooked for her!

"Odo, what is this?" she greeted him with a glowing smile.

"Grits! Taste this please?"

She opened her mouth to speak and he took that for compliance. He placed a spoonful of grits inside sweetened nicely and cooked delicately. She licked the spoon she liked it so much.

"Mm! What are grits made of?"

"It's something in Sisko's cookbooks. I thought since everything we needed was here, best put it to good use! I assume by your yummy noise that it tasted good?"

She nodded.

"I have scrambled eggs and flapjacks with strawberries here as well."

"Thank you, Odo!"

The meant it. Because of Odo's odd obsession with the complex chemistry of cooking and baking, her breakfast was especially tasty and filling. The _raktajino_ never failed to wake her up properly.

"There are all kinds of Creole and Southern recipes in this book that I want to make. For lunch would you prefer gumbo or chicken fried steak?"

"Uh, gumbo I guess. It has a quirky name so I'm curious. Aren't you going to the security office at some point today?" she stared at him.

"My deputy can summon me if my presence is required. It's usual a slow day of the week today. Besides, the real crime I must address is the sate of your quarters and the fact that you often skip meals, Nerys! Don't deny it! Return for gumbo at 12:00 hours sharp or I will come looking to arrest you!"

She giggled at that threat, "Alright!"

She was afraid to ask him what he remembered of the night before. She wanted him to stay as long as possible in her quarters. Neither Bareil nor Shakaar had moved in with her. Bareil visited her as often as he could and promised even if he became Kai he would continue to do so. Shakaar had visited the station far less. She was forced to burn lots of shore leave in order to see him. That was a primary reason why their romantic relationship failed.

Conveniently, Odo already lived and worked on the station but this was a big step and Odo prided himself on his independence and required pristine surroundings. Kira wasn't a slob but she didn't have obsessive compulsive habits like him. She was sure he'd come to his senses, remove his bucket, and leave if she brought the subject of moving in up.

She went to work in Ops and started to command her station, making a show that nothing untoward had happened at all. Dax squirmed in her seat, suppressing a million questions. She still wasn't sure if the Romulan ale had been successful. It was Quark that had fetched Odo's bucket and dropped it before Kira's couch. Sometimes she admired that clever Ferengi as much as Worf and Bashir! Jadzia Dax was no Betazoid or Changeling, but she could sense Kira's agitation and restrained her mouth for once. Worf was glaring at her out of the corner of his eye to discourage her.

Odo had made short work of the leavings of the party and had lunch ready when she stepped in the door. The gumbo was spicy and contained Bajoran shrimp. The name might be silly, but the dish was probably going to become a frequent request of her chef! He had ambitious plans for dinner but wanted it to be a surprise. Kira finished work early so she could make a quick stop by Garak's.

"Did Odo make a recovery or is he hung over from that ale?" he couldn't resist asking.

"He doesn't seem to be sick," she saw no reason to be angry or evasive today. "He's cooking up a storm in my quarters."

"Oh?" Garak was privately pleased. "I expected to see him for breakfast this morning. Now I understand why he didn't show. He must still be furious with me."

"Neither of us is angry."

Garak was enormously relieved at that, "Tell him I look forward to a meal with him some other time."

"I will. Thanks for the suit."

Dinner turned out to be catfish, corn muffins, okra, and a lemon mélange pie for dessert. Kira also realized her quarters were spotless and organized so thoroughly she was afraid to touch anything for fear of offending her Changeling. He had polished her medals and put them on display near her shrine. She was also concerned that he would fatten her up with so much soul food. She needed to burn these extra calories somehow.

She had to admit that being taken care of was making her swollen with happiness. She had taken care of herself poorly for so long. She always had to lead and nurture everyone else. Odo had few physical needs and seemed to relish taking care of her.

"What can I do for you, Odo?" she asked. "Anything?'"

"Tell me the truth: How was the pie? The mélange wasn't as puffy as it looked in the picture."

"Be serious, please!"

"I am serious!"

Kira sneered, "Perhaps I can do something for you. How about I replicate another bottle of Romulan ale? I hear it can be vicious stuff!"

She laughed manically as Odo winced. Something in his head tinged with the memory of headaches when he was human. He had gotten severely drunk an embarrassing number of times then but he had managed to avoid doing so around Kira. She had been pregnant at the time and he knew she missed drinking caffeine and alcohol. He was terrified he'd let his feelings slip and that would have been poor timing!

He began to clean the dishes to hide his humiliation and Kira's heart sank. He spent the night there before in her quarters because he was drunk. He remained all day to help her clean and organize. He'd return to his quarters when he was finished and avoid stepping in here again for a long time. She just knew it. She needed to delay him quickly!

"I picked up a new outfit from Garak's," she used her most sultry tone. "Would you like to see it on me?"

She had his full attention. The dishes could wait and he was disappointed in his last performance even if she wasn't. He turned to her with a smile of anticipation and folded his arms across his chest. His gaze was answer enough. She almost skipped to her bedroom to change. He was going to love this! He could hardly wait.

When she strode in with boosted confidence, Odo gasped, "You look just like the Intendant!"

"How do you know I haven't been the Intendant all along?" she jeered with a sexy toss of her hair.

The Intendant had made it to their version of DS9 before but she had somehow managed to avoid encountering Odo. Neither of them knew exactly why. His counterpart had been killed by their Bashir and the Intendant openly wept at the news of his demise. Was it possible there had been a great love between them even in the mirror universe and the Intendant avoided Odo because of a great sense of loss and pain? They would never know for sure, but Kira had a feeling it must be so. Who knew the Intendant better than she did whether she cared for her or not?

"Name the phrase we spoke to each other throughout the years that was our code for declaring our love long before we were aware of it?" Odo asked a question the Intendant couldn't possibly answer.

"There were two," Kira answered sweetly. "First it was: Keep your head down! Second was: Good luck!"

"Correct! Come here, my love!"

She went directly to his arms. She tried not to laugh when the costume squeaked. She wasn't used to the fabric like the real Intendant was. Odo decided he did like the feel of it clashing with her skin underneath.

"Don't destroy this!" Kira jabbed a finger into his chest. "Garak will kill you!"

"That Cardassian deserves a home-cooked brunch for this! I forgive everything he said last night as well!"

"So you do remember everything last night?"

"I got a little intoxicated but not blackout drunk, Nerys. You were worried that I didn't mean what I said about staying with you? Moving in?"

She nodded, swallowing hard again as she had in the temple.

"I meant every word," he said tenderly as he caressed her face. "My only real possession is here and I don't even need my bucket. You are here. You are Home. You are my Great Link. Unless you want to kick me out?"

"No, of course not!" she clung to him.

"Good. Now, Intendant, I am your slave tonight."

He bowed like a prince but the action was deceptive. He shifted his uniform to the same one that his doomed counterpart had worn. It was black, sleek, and sexy. Kira was thrilled! She could appreciate role-play and new textures even if she wasn't a Changeling.

"That's Colonel, Constable Odo," she reminded him. "And don't you forget it."

"You may have to remind me a few times."

"Oh, I will. Let's begin, shall we?"


End file.
